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e·qui·lib·ri·um - A state in which opposing forces or influences are balanced

            My first post on equilibrium for the New Year was on balance between self vs. community. The second was suggestions on how to use fear to find fearlessness. In my final post on striking balance for the New Year is focused on technology and its overwhelming takeover of our lives. 

            It’s so easy to be stuck to your technologies- BlackBerrys, Androids, Iphones- any cell phone- Ipods/MP3s/CD players, Ipads/tablets, laptops, desktops, Ebook readers etc.

            We are so spoiled.

                Somehow in all the fascination and dependence on these mechanical gadgets, we have forgotten the important of human contact and complete independence. So, I write this post to urge you to make it a point AT LEAST once a week to switch things up. Here are some suggestions--

1)   HOLD OFF IN THE MORNING. When you wake up first thing in the morning- don’t check your phone OR computer (unless it is to shut off the alarm clock). Take a deep breath, stretch, eat breakfast, shower, get dressed AND THEN indulge yourself in emails and texts and phone calls and social media sites (Facebook/Twitter/etc).

2)   SWITCH IT UP. Read the newspaper or listen to NPR. I know it’s so much easier to go to websites and get a rundown of the news but go old school once in awhile. You learn random things and take in at least 50% more information by flipping pages, perusing papers that are too big to hold out or by listening to the radio.

3)   SNAIL MAIL. Write a letter. Tell me you wouldn’t love getting snail mail? Next time you want to send an email to a friend to check in or stalk an old Facebook friend- grab a piece of paper, write a letter to them and send it out.

4)   READ A BOOK WITHOUT DISTRACTIONS. Next time you want to leisure read a magazine or book, put your phone on silent, close your laptop and spend an hour actually throwing yourself into the story. No distractions. If you need to look up words in the process (like me), buy a pocket dictionary instead of relying on the Internet.

5)   GAME NIGHT. Whatever happened to good old classic board games or card games? Speed, Jenga, Monopoly, Scrabble etc. Put down your phone, get off your computer and stop playing words with friends or angry birds or whatever other ridiculous game you’re wasting your time with. Instead, play an actual board game with real live people who are physically next to you.

6)   GET LOST. As long as it’s daytime and a generally safe area, get lost. Walk around aimlessly until you don’t know where you are. You’ll meet new people, you’ll find new stores and places that intrigue you, and when you are ready to find your way home- ask someone for general directions instead of mapping it out on your GPS or your phone. 

7) LEARN/CREATE SOMETHING. Spend the hour you would usually spend on the Internet or watching television/hulu to pick up a hobby, or to learn something new. Knit, scrapbook, take karate lessons, write, learn a language, learn how to change a flat tire (manually), practice a sport, go to a nursing home and hear stories about historical events from people who have lived through them...etc. 

            The brain is a muscle and we find ourselves relying on technology for EVERYTHING. Force yourself, once in awhile to do things the old school way. Use your head before looking things up, read things physically rather than electronically, hang out with friends physically rather than via the Internet, and so on. I love technology and I own every gadget you can think of, but I push myself to step away every now and then. Don’t let technology run your life or waste your time- if you don’t believe me, spend a day logging how much you check your phone, text, email, sit on Facebook or Twitter or browsing the internet…I guarantee you’ll be a little disturbed with the results.

Stay naturally smart,

S.K.

PS. I want to hear your unplugged stories- comment or send me an email letting me know how long you can go completely unplugged and what you do to make up for that time. I bet you cant go an entire 24 hours? CHALLENGE.

e·qui·lib·ri·um - A state in which opposing forces or influences are balanced

            Everyone has heard “don’t let the fear stop you” or something of that sort. I agree, on one hand, but on the other I am not going to tell you to completely rid fear from your life. First of all, that is pretty much impossible and second of all having and feeling fear can actually be used FOR you rather than against you. Here is my list of what and why you should find a balance of feeling fear and being fearless.

Fear failure just enough to keep you in touch with the reality of not succeeding in every thing you pursue, but not enough to stop you from trying. Failing makes you stronger and teaches you lessons you can’t learn elsewhere.

Fear success enough to keep you humble when you do succeed but not enough to stop you from pursuing something. Success is a rewarding and scary change but something we all strive for.

Fear death enough to remind you constantly that life is short, but don’t fear death enough to stop you from living a life worth living. I stress again, life is short.

Fear vulnerability/intimacy enough to keep you aware of the consequences and the heartache that can be brought on, but not enough to stop you from giving fully or loving whole-heartedly. In order to feel the most amazing feelings humans can share you have to put your heart on the line. Take the risk, knowingly.

Fear change enough to understand that nothing is permanent or absolute, but don’t fear change enough to become paralyzed so you hold on to things/people you should let go of or stay stuck in place.

Fear illness, natural disaster and loss enough to haunt you to be thankful every minute of the day for every little thing. However, don’t fear them enough to let them cloud your healthy, safe, whole life right now.

Fear asserting yourself enough to maintain respect for others but not enough to compromise your own self respect. Don’t ever compromise your self respect.

Fear disapproval and embarrassment enough to force you to try your hardest, but don’t fear it to the point of paralysis. If you try your hardest and work your hardest and you mess up, embarrass yourself or don’t get approval from people then it’s okay. You can’t try harder than your hardest.

Fear making a mistake enough to check, re-check, triple check your work or what you are planning to do. Don’t fear making a mistake enough to the point of obsession and perfection. Life is imperfect and you will make mistakes.

Fear rejection enough to keep options open and to have a back up plan. Don’t get cocky. But don’t fear it enough to stop trying. You never know unless you try.

Fear accidents and sexual assault enough to be cautious and keep your safety in check (wear a seatbelt, don’t walk around alone at night, carry some sort of protection with you). But, don’t fear it to the point where you don’t drive or have a good time. Always take precautions and be smart.

Fear getting old enough to live young, be young, act young and savor young age, but don’t fear it enough where you just await it. It’s going to come. It’s inevitable, so accept it.

Don’t be scared to be scared. BUT don’t be scared to shove fear to the side either. You have a lot more control than you think, whatever happens outside of that you learn to accept, learn from and move forward from.

Stay fearlessly fearful, 
S.K.

            We all want to start the New Year right.  Here are some things I generally start around the New Year to help me feel refreshed, rejuvenated and have more clarity. Instead of focusing on resolutions, I like to spend some time in an annual reflection that ends with reorganization of my mind and heart for a better year.  

            First, make amends. Don’t start the New Year with loose ends. If you have a long lost friend you’ve been thinking of, connect now. If you’ve been too stubborn in a recent argument, admit your faults now.  Most importantly, if you aren’t where you hoped you would be today, forgive yourself and find peace NOW. Make amends with people in your life, with yourself, and with your situations.

            Second, let go. Let go of all the toxic in your life. This geos for food you’ve been meaning to cut out, habits you want to break, AND people who bring you down. Don’t hold on to things, people, or ideas that make you unhappy. Life is short and for the next year try to remember that you can manipulate your own life so it’s something worth living.

            Thirdly, hold on. Hold on to everything you have that makes you happy. Don’t get so caught up in what you want to change for 2012 that you forget about what you want to stay the same. The New Year is a time for resolutions, for changes, for making your life better, but remember…there are things in your life that you take for granted, that you have right now and wouldn’t want to change. So, hold on to them, and show appreciation.

            Finally be at peace. I have found that happiness is a counterpart of peace. Have your desires, your hopes, and your resolutions but also find peace with what you do have. Be thankful for everything 2011 has brought to you…even the struggles. Right now, you are who you are, and you are where you are because of what happened in 2011.  I say this from personal experience. 2011 was not the best year for me, but honestly, today, I am happy to be who I am, and where I am. Only with this peace with my past, can I be happy in my present, and have more hope for my future. So, I advise that before you take some time to think about what you want for 2012…step back and admire what and where 2011 brought you. 

Happy New Year,
S.K.

     Today, Dec. 21, marks three months of my blog. So here are 21 gentle reminders for all of you and, honestly, for myself. 

      1. When the going gets hard, just keep going
      2. If you are stuck in an environment that you don't like, and can't leave it, there are
          ways to manipulate it so it fits you (or leave)                     
      3. In order to feel the absolute highs, be prepared to feel the absolute lows
      4. Learn people's names, and address people by their names. The guy who runs the 
          vendor outside your apartment, the cleaning lady at your work, your mail(wo)man.
      5. Embrace vulnerability, don't push it away
      6. Alongside uncertainty comes endless opportunities
      7. Don't feel like you have to prove yourself to people. Stay true to exactly who you are
      8. Know when to walk away from something/someone
      9. When you're path becomes blocked, inch to the right, and make your way around the
          obstacle
      10. Find a job that doesn't feel like work
      11. Always keep your heart open when people come to talk to you
      12. Stop waiting for later. Everything is tentative until it actually happens.
      13. Be patient. Time has an agenda of its own
      14. Act your age. But stay youthful
      15. Don't be judgmental, it's a very ugly look
      16. Actions speak louder than words. Be aware of your inaction
      17. Believe in yourself. Believe in others.
      18. Don't ever let yourself get stuck in a routine. Spice up your life, every day
      19. If you can't change it, accept it
      20. Indulge in your deeper desires
      21. Anything worth having, is worth working your butt off for

:)
S.K. 

            A quarter life crisis is filled with the sense of a) not knowing which direction to turn or which path to take b) trying to figure out what it is you REALLY want with life and finally c) today’s generations are overwhelmed with wanting to be something, to do something, to make a difference.

            So, there is something I would like to share that I came across recently, and I would like to apply it to the quarter life crisis.

            To some, Juno was known as the fertility goddess for the Romans. She is said to have spirits of youthfulness, liveliness, and strength, and to watch over women during childbearing years.  To others, Juno is known as the 16-year-old pregnant girl in a recent Jason Reitman movie. Either way, the name reflects pregnancy, and pregnancy indicates bringing new life into the world.

            Now, with that said there are a few other random points I have to make before I get to the final idea. Stay with me, I promise I will tie all this together.

            Juno has been questionably said to be the feminine counterpart to Genius. A genius is known to be someone who has exceptional intellectual ability. However, genius really encompasses those who are original. If you are original then you bring new life and meaning to this world since there is only one of you here on earth. Therefore you are one of a kind and can be said to be a genius.

            Finally, something I would like to share is the definition of genesis which is “the origin or coming into being of something” or simply, the beginning.


SO,

           Tomorrow is a new day. It can be the beginning (the genesis) of you being genuine to who you really are and who you are really meant to be. And if you are genuine enough to yourself, then consider yourself a genius for being original and bringing your own unique meaning, reality, perspective and truth into this world.

Think about it,
S.K.

            This time of year is really hectic. You’re graduating, you’re in the midst of exam terror, you’re moving (even if temporarily), you have 100 things to do for the holidays, you're swamped with applications, you can't find a job and/or you’re getting ready for new things as the New Year inches closer.
            It’s easy to start getting frazzled, anxious, frustrated, and tense. But here are two guaranteed and fun ways to loosen up.

            First, laugh. Particularly when you want to cry or breakdown. Even when you are so overloaded with things to do that you cant think straight. Especially when nothing is funny. Ever heard of laughing yoga?
                   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXgdSOxaCGI
Seriously, tell me that didn’t make you laugh? Now you try it. Go ahead. Force yourself to laugh. I guarantee you’ll genuinely be laughing by the end of it.

            Second, immerse yourself in music. Whether it’s music with inspirational lyrics or just a song with a good beat. Stop what you’re doing, play a song that makes you feel loose, don’t think about anything except the lyrics or the beat and feel it. Music is human psyche nourishment. It's like your mind's version of a massage.

When you’re all wound up, unwind,
S.K.

            In the first post, I tried to reiterate that YOU deserve to celebrate your greatest and smallest achievements, even if all by yourself. In this post, I want to address why this is of such high importance and how you can be more aware to do it.

            We all are familiar with the negativity bias, a psychological phenomenon where we pay more attention to and give more weight to the negative rather than the positive. This is natural, but I’m hoping that after reading this post you can become more aware of it as it happens and fight the urge to focus on your wrongs instead of your rights- even the smallest of rights that I mentioned in the previous post. Why? Because this can help you increase your quality of life, accept and understand your own reality, and reach your greatest potential.

            You need to learn to strike a balance between acknowledging what you can be better at and celebrating all you do well. The good, the achievements, the baby steps- celebrate them! If you can cheer yourself on and pat yourself on your own back then you are more likely to feel more satisfied with yourself which will help you to keep moving forward.

            Only you live in your own reality. Only you know the work it took, the rationalizing, the effort, the fight to not give up to get something or do something. Only you know how much you went out of our way to fulfill a small promise. Only you know the willpower it took to do something that may seem small to the next person, but is something you struggle with. You lived through it, and it’s your reality to know and truly understand how you got from point A to point B, no matter how small the distance. Be proud of yourself, and more importantly, CELEBRATE IT.

            You don’t need a bandwagon before you can jump up and down for yourself. You don’t need a certain amount of likes on Facebook, or retweets or acknowledgements from the next person. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed to celebrate what you have achieved…and I can’t stress enough that it doesn’t matter how small. After all, the big things will get validation- the promotion, the world changing idea, the passing of state exams. It’s the small things I want you to never overlook again.

            The baby steps are what will take you to your greatest distances. Don’t squander your potential, no matter how slowly you are moving towards it, because you are waiting for validation from others.

Be proud and celebrate,
S.K.

     Throughout this blog, I discuss the importance of being able to take care of oneself. In the last post, I explained why I think it’s important for you to learn to forgive yourself and make peace with your own mistakes. Now, I want to say:           

                                                Celebrate yourself.

     We always admire when other people do great things…even small, great things. We always notice another person’s helping hand or someone else’s minor accomplishment. Why is it that you are so blinded from all the good you bring to this world?     

     It’s very common for people to acknowledge their mistakes or their lack of achievement more than their good deeds or accomplishments. OR for people to hold grudges with themselves for longer than they celebrate themselves. I am guilty of this everyday, which is why I think it’s important I share this sentiment.

    You don’t need validation from your friends, or your family, or the strangers living next door to feel that you are worth celebrating. Celebrate your biggest achievements: getting into that school, receiving that promotion, writing a book and celebrate your smallest: not being late everyday for a month, following up on promises, reaching personal goals. Celebrate your mind: your rationality and your perspectives and celebrate your heart: the love you offer and your compassion.
    Whether it’s something already expected like a good grade on the hardest exam ever, or something not supported like figuring out that you are meant to spend the next year in an unpaid internship struggling to make ends meet, or if its something no one else could possibly understand like being able to go to they gym everyday for one whole week- it’s important for YOU to be able to celebrate yourself, by yourself.

    At the end of the day you should learn to be your biggest cheerleader. Your family will support you but if they are like mine they will be harder on you more than they will be happy for you, and your friends will share in your excitement but if they are like mine then it only lasts but so long. It’s awesome to share your achievements and good deeds with those you love, but you love yourself too don’t you? So, don’t wait for someone else to validate when something is worth celebrating. By your very own definition, if you have succeeded or accomplished or did good to any degree, celebrate yourself, and celebrate for as long as you desire. 

You’re worth it,
S.K.